Inu Yasha Unleashed: Twisted Short Stories
by SnowCalico
Summary: A collection of short parody stories based on the anime/manga Inu Yasha. Much out-of-character content within.
1. Who Wants To Change the World?

Inu Yasha Unleased: Short Stories for Twisted Minds  
  
Story 1: Who Wants to Change the World?  
  
Warning: This entire series features very out of character behavior by all characters. Nobody is safe from the craziness! Any notes of interest will be marked at the bottom.  
  
[Opening song plays, once it's finished the scene fades into squashed down (aka Chibi, Superdeformed) versions of Inu Yasha and Kagome.]  
  
Inu Yasha just stood there for a minute, blinking his eyes in disbelief. Finally he screeched angrily "What the hell was that supposed to mean?"  
  
Kagome looked up from a book she was reading, puzzled expression on her face "What was *what* supposed to mean, dog boy?"  
  
"Weren't you paying attention to that opener?" Inu Yasha growls, pointing angrily into space "Ya know, that thing that happens before every episode?"  
  
"Oh that. I sort of tune it out." Kagome shrugs her shoulders "After awhile it gets annoying."  
  
"Have you ever actually listened to it. who the heck is it about?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"'I Want to Chaaaaaaaange the World!'" the half breed sings in a mocking tone "Who wants to change the world?! I sure as hell don't. I want to get the damned jewel. Unless they mean change the world by causing all to cower from my mighty supremacy!"  
  
"Oh please. You know as well as I that they wouldn't let the series end that way." Kagome rolls her eyes "Someone's going to fall in love and get married, or someone important that the audience has grown attached to is going to die to screw with their emotions."  
  
"Okay then, it's not about me! Who is it then? It can't be you either. All you want to do is marry some rich salary man and have a huge, lavish wedding and pop out babies." Inu Yasha sneered shortly before he got conked on his silver haired head. "Ow! Why'd you do that, it's true!"  
  
"Hmmph." Kagome snorts, getting up and giving a death glare at the part demon "Show's what you know! Do I look like Nabiki?"  
  
"A little. Let's face facts; all the Takashi characters have the same face."  
  
A huge sweatdrop slid down Kagome's head before she straightened up and continued with a finger pointing to the horizon dramatically "Anyway. That's not my dream. I want to be. a dentist!"  
  
There was a long, silent pause before Inu Yasha burst into emotion "A dentist?! See, that's what comes from watching 'Little Shop of Horrors' too many times."  
  
"I don't care what you say, Steve Martin is a genius!"  
  
"Grr. Enough about quirky musicals starring Rick Moranis. I need to find out what the damn song is talking about."  
  
"Inu Yasha, just give it up." The girl gave an exasperated sigh "You remember the last time you became so obsessed over something? Need I remind you of the Pokemon incident?"  
  
Breaking into a lovely shade of crimson the dog boy quickly stuttered "H- hey now. so what if I beat up a little kid to force him to trade me an Arcanine? I had Blue! I couldn't get it otherwise!"  
  
"All you were offering was a Metapod! The most useless Pokemon of them all!"  
  
"Hey! I loved that Metapod like a brother."  
  
With an aggravated groan the girl stomped off toward the village "I am not getting into this! I'd rather listen to Lady Kaede wax nostalgic about her affair with a rouge samurai than get dragged into one of your little obsessions again."  
  
As Kagome disappeared from his view Inu Yasha called out "Good! I didn't want your help anyway!"  
  
So Inu Yasha sought out his favorite tree branch, and he thought for hours. He went over every character that'd ever appeared in the series. Finally once night had fallen and the crickets were loudly chirping and his brain was becoming tired, he slumped in despair. Gripping his head with his clawed hands he screamed out into the darkness "WHAT THE HELL DOES IT ALL MEAN?!"  
  
"What is wrong, Inu Yasha?" came the grizzled old voice of Lady Kaede from below.  
  
"Huh?" the part demon looked to the ground in confusion "What're you doing out old hag? I thought you were busy telling seedy stories to Kagome."  
  
"I was, but she ran away screaming when I got to the part with the butter." muttered the elderly woman under her breath "Besides, apparently ye need my help. What might the problem be?"  
  
"Well, you know that thingie that plays before the start of every episode?"  
  
"Aye. With the dancing traffic signs and men with afros, and those two young girls running away?"  
  
Silence, then yet again this was interrupted by a loud eruption from Inu Yasha "That's the opening for *Excel Saga* you senile old witch! Ours has like, birds and flowers and. uh. water."  
  
"Ah yes. So sorry. Do go on."  
  
"Anyway, it says 'I Want to Change the World'. but I can't figure out who wants to change the world." the poor tortured canine shook his head.  
  
Kaede started to laugh, it began small but soon it was so loud it shook the leaves on nearby trees.  
  
"What's so funny?" Inu Yasha snapped, arms crossed.  
  
"Ye has been spending hours pondering an anime theme song? Child, no anime theme songs maketh any sense!" she snickered, walking back to the village feeling quite jolly. "Stupid dog!"  
  
Staring into the night sky with its endless stars and planets. Inu Yasha felt very dumb.  
  
[End song]  
  
Terms and references:  
  
'Nabiki'- character from another series by Rumino Taskasi, creator of Inu Yasha. Nabiki loves money, and scheming people out of it.  
  
Little Shop of Horrors/Steve Martin/dentist- 'Little Shop of Horrors' is a surreal musical mostly about a nerdy guy and a Venus Fly Trap that feeds on blood. In the movie version, comedian Steve Martin plays a dentist who gets off on the pain of his patients.  
  
Pokemon Blue-The original Pokemon game came in three colors in Japan and two in the States (not counting the later Yellow). Some Pokemon can be caught on one cartridge but not the other, so one must trade for them. One of the Pokemon not found on the blue cartridge is Growlithe, whom evolves into.  
  
Arcanine- Pokemon that is basically a canine that uses fire in its attacks. See how that critter would appeal to Inu Yasha?  
  
Metapod- Pokemon that can do nothing but harden its shell. Excel Saga- The opening Kaede is referring to is from (as Inu Yasha grumpily pointed out) the parody anime Excel Saga. A must see in my opinion. 


	2. Puppies!

Inu Yasha Unleased: Twisted Short Stories  
  
Story 2: Puppies!  
  
Warning: This entire series features very out of character behavior by all characters. Nobody is safe from the craziness!  
  
New note for this one. another fanfic I'd written solicited a comment that I 'need to learn proper dialogue punctuation'. Now far be it from me to down the importance of punctuation. I however cannot promise that this, or any, fanfic I write has perfect punctuation. I try to offer correct spelling and a nice flow. but for some reason I've never had luck with punctuation. So if minor punctuation errors really annoy you, I truly wouldn't recommend reading this series. Slowly but surely I'm learning to correct such mistakes, but chances are there probably still are some within this text. Do forgive me for this most horrid of literary crimes.  
  
Any notes of interest will be marked at the bottom.  
  
[Opening Song. Scene fades in to Inu Yasha and Kagome in chibi form. Today they stand by the shore of a spring. Kagome is dipping her toes in the cool water, while Inu Yasha sits on a tree branch looking grumpy. So what else is new? Suddenly Inu Yasha hops down from his tree branch and stands behind Kagome. He says nothing.]  
  
Kagome at first tried to ignore the half demon, deciding he was just being annoying and angsty as usual. However when several moments have passed and he still stands there, she growls and turns around.  
  
"What is it?! Why are you just standing there? Say something!"  
  
"Hmmph." Inu Yasha raises his nose into the air and snarls "It just so happens I was trying to think of the right way to say what I want to say. It's very important!"  
  
Her curiosity now piqued, the dark haired girl gazes up at her traveling companion "Yeah? What is it?"  
  
In one swift movement the dog boy extends his arm and points his index finger squarely in Kagome's face "Make me puppies!"  
  
Kagome nearly falls into the water, sputtering and trying as best she can to make sense of what Inu Yasha just said "W-what?"  
  
"You heard me girl." Inu Yasha crosses his arms "I demand you make me puppies, right now."  
  
"What in the hell are you talking about?" the girl shakes her head "Puppies aren't like no-bake cheesecake you know. I can't just *make* you puppies."  
  
"I didn't say they had to be born today. I just want you to start today. So go to it!"  
  
"Are you insane? For one, I'm a human. I can't make puppies. Humans have babies." Kagome counts each reason on her fingers "For two, it takes two people, a boy and a girl. uh. doing certain things. to make babies."  
  
"Excuse me, I happen to be a boy, idiot." Inu Yasha rolls his golden eyes "So why can't you and I do these 'certain things?'"  
  
Inu Yasha has no time to dodge the humorously over-sized mallet that Kagome whacks him with after this statement.  
  
"What'd ya do that for?" whimpers the half breed as he rubs the equally over-sized red bump now on his head.  
  
Kagome stares at Inu Yasha in disbelief "You really don't *know* how babies are made?"  
  
"No." Inu Yasha grumbles impatiently "So tell me!"  
  
The school girl starts to blush furiously and wave her hands in the air "If you don't know I'm not telling you! This is insane. I'm. I'm going back to my time to do. something!"  
  
With that Kagome speeds off in the direction of the well and Inu Yasha is left alone.  
  
"That's the second time in this fanfic series she's done that to me." simmers the dog boy "What's so bad about making pup-erm, babies?"  
  
[Scene changes to a rather spooky looking forest. Sesshomaru reclines on an out-of-place fancy chair in a clearing. He thumbs through an issue of 'Anime Villains Weekly' with Schuldich from Weiss Kreuz on the cover winking.]  
  
"Hmm. Xellos is gay, who would've thought?" Sesshomaru says to himself.  
  
As the femme demon lowers his magazine, there standing before him is his younger half brother.  
  
"Oh great. It's the twerp." he rolls his eyes. "What do you want?"  
  
"Listen Fluffy."  
  
"Don't call me that!" sputters Sesshomaru, voice becoming a few notches less aloof than it normally is "That's the kind of name that might stick!"  
  
"Sorry to burst your bubble, but it already has. You should have given yourself a less complicated name." Inu Yasha informs his older brother "Anyway, I need to ask you a question."  
  
"This ought to be good." Fluff-erm, Sesshomaru says as he reclines languidly in his chair.  
  
"You have to promise you won't laugh!" Inu Yasha narrows his eyes.  
  
"Fine. I promise."  
  
Lowering his head and taking a deep breath, the half breed quickly asks "Where do puppies come from?"  
  
Sesshomaru's former cold exterior melts away as he falls from his chair due to the force of his laughter. He pounds the ground with a clawed fist as tears roll down his striped cheeks. This goes on for several minutes before his laughter becomes screaming as he is yanked up by his silvery tresses by Inu Yasha.  
  
"Ow! Not the hair!" sneers Sesshomaru, swiping angrily at his sibling.  
  
"You promised not to la-aaaagghh!" Inu Yasha is halted in his sentence when Sesshomaru grabs a few strands of *his* hair and tugs with all his might.  
  
The two brothers are locked in a furious round of hair pulling for quite sometime. Staring each other dead in the eyes and giving their best glares and growls, they continue to struggle.  
  
"You stupid. I just wanted to ask you one dumb question!"  
  
"How dare you pull my hair! Do you have any idea how long it took to get it perfectly straight? Do you?"  
  
Eventually the two tire out, panting heavily from their brawl, both with mass amounts of hair missing.  
  
"So. are you gonna tell me?" Inu Yasha asks when he finally catches his breath.  
  
"You mean you honestly don't know?" Sesshomaru blinks in doubt.  
  
"No! Why does everyone make such a big deal about it? I raised myself for the most part! There wasn't anyone else to tell me!" the exhausted dog boy exclaims "Is that so wrong?"  
  
"If you want to learn about it, why don't you do it the same way everyone else has to?"  
  
"Oh, and how is that smart ass?"  
  
[Scene changes, Inu Yasha and Kagome are at a modern times zoo.]  
  
"Remind me again why you're so eager to come here?" the skeptical Kagome queries.  
  
"Fluffy said that everyone learns about how babies are made at the---WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE MONKEYS DOING?!"  
  
The End.  
  
*My apologies to 'The Simpsons for stealing one of their bits.* ^_~ 


End file.
